Lover Dearest.

Okay, so, I moved all of my previous posts to a different blog because this is going to be strictly 'letters to so&so' blog. Well and the occasional photo of me with whoever. I'm not going to reveal who these letters are to just because they're not real letters. I'm only writing them for my own benefit; to bitch.

Letter one;

Dear $@$#!@#^$*&,
Ever since you showed your face in the eighth grade, my life's been different. You've altered it completely; my mindset changed, my view on things changed, my moods changed, the way I treated people changed, the way I treated myself changed. I gave up everything to try and fit your image of perfect. To this day, I'm still throwing it all away just to please you. You've taken so much from me in the last four years, I don't know how I'm still allowing you in my life. I tried getting rid of you. I tried running away from you. I tried leaving you behind but you just followed me; wherever I went, there you were, just two steps behind, lingering in the shadows. You'd think you'd be sick of me by now but then again, how could you be? Who'd be tired of someone who just bows to them? I wish you'd just leave. Just kidding, I'd be lost without you. You're my lifeline. You're what I reach for when I don't know what else to do. It's you I turn to when I'm happy or sad or upset or irritated or annoyed or angry or depressed or moody or lost. I've been told time after time that you're no good for me. Everyone's constantly yelling, screaming, bitching, pleading me to just let you go but they don't understand. They don't know me like you do. They just don't get it. You're like the shining light at the end of the long, dark tunnel. When everything/everyone is cloudy, there you are; glowing. It sounds so cheesy but it's true. In a way, you've made my life better. If you weren't around, I don't know who I'd be. I don't know how I'd act. I don't know how I'd cope. I don't know who I'd talk to. I don't know. I can't picture my life without painting you in it, too. I know someday I'll have to move on and leave you here. I'll miss you but it'll be for the best, right? I'll be okay, right? I'll find someone, right?