Damaged Goods.

Dear @#$%^$#,

For years, I've been nothing but your shadow. I'm always being compared to you and being told how much I act like you. "You're just like $^#&$^#W." It's always bothered me; I even keep telling him it bothers me when he makes those comments but he doesn't seem to stop. I'm not sure why it gets under my skin - maybe because I don't want to be a mini you. When we were little, I always admired you. Because of that, I followed you around and often copied the things you did/said. I stopped though. I can't pinpoint exactly when I stopped mimicking you but I did. I wish I wasn't the only one who realized this. Yes, our personalities are similar. Yes, we share the same interests/hobbies. Yes, our music tastes are extremely close. Yes, we even physically look alike. But I'm not you; I'm me.

Two, maybe three months ago you opened up to me about something I wish I never heard. As soon as the words flew out of your mouth, I wanted to die. I wanted to start screaming and yelling and hitting you. I wanted you to say 'just kidding'. I wanted you to take it back. But you didn't. You were being completely serious. You took the one thing that was mine. The one thing that I had that you had nothing to do with. The one thing we didn't have in common. The one thing that you couldn't touch. The one thing that separated me from you. The one thing that got attention and YOU FUCKING TOOK IT.

I know it's not your fault. I know you didn't mean to upset me. I know you didn't expect my reaction to be what it was/is. I know you were just being honest. I know you were just make an attempt to talk to me. I know you were just trying to help. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. But a part of me started to hate you. That same part of me is getting bigger; filling with more hate for you.

When you spilled your secret, it was the first time in my life that I actually felt like your shadow. I thought maybe everyone was right; I'm just copying you. I'm trying my best to be just like you. And I think that's why I can't stand the thought that we also share this. It's suppose to be mine; just mine. You've turned this into a competition. Who can go longer, who's lighter, who's more pale, who's the weaker one. This isn't how it's suppose to be. I don't want to be your component, I want us to be on the same team. I want you to be there for me. I want you to see that I need help. I want you to worry about me. But that's not the case anymore. Now I'm the one giving you tips. Now I'm the one hiding your secret. Now I'm the one feeling sorry for you.

I hate this.