I'll see you soon, bb.

Speaking of my cat, look at how adorable Charlie is.
I wish I could bring him home with me. I miss him terribly.

Colder Than My Heart.

Dear *&*&^%*((*&^%,

I don't know why you keep texting me and trying to get me to come over. I don't want anything to do with you. I didn't like you a month ago, I didn't like you two weeks ago and hey, I still don't like you. I'm not sure what you're not understanding - I've made myself pretty clear. You're a guy though. You only hear what you want.

But with everything that happened, I understand if you're a bit confused. I wish I had the courage to send you a long text message explaining myself fully but that would cause a lot of hurt for both you and me. I'm sorry that I used you. I would say that that wasn't my intention but to be honest, I only slept with you to see if it would help me. I haven't felt anything in a long time - nothing real anyway. It doesn't matter how many times I slice my thighs or how much food I purge. When it's all done, I still don't feel anything. I don't feel guilty or shame or anger or happy or grateful or sorrow. I feel nothing. When I think about that night with you, I don't even flinch. I don't care that I hurt you or made you think we were going somewhere or gave you the wrong idea.

And that's the problem.

I can skip school, lose friends, steal money, disobey my father, put people down; whatever - it doesn't make a difference. I'm officially just done. I can truly say that I just don't care about anything anymore. I've always said that and when I did, it wasn't entirely true because I did care about my friends and whether or not I failed a class and going out on the weekends and if someone liked me or not. I don't know when I lost myself - I can't pinpoint it for you. I can't even give you a time period. It's all gray. There's four things in my life right now that's literally keeping me alive; Vic Fuentes, my cat, my brother and my best friend(s). I guess it might be five.

But you're not one of them. I'm not even making a point within this post - I'm mostly rambling. What I'm trying to say is I don't want you. I don't need you. I don't have any interest in you remaining in my life. I wish you'd get that. That's all I want from you - is for you to leave me alone. I'm never going to reply to you, I'm never coming over and I'm never going to be yours. I didn't feel anything for you then and that's not going to change. Ever.

This is unbelievably perfect.

"I want you to tell me about every person you've ever been in love with. Tell me why you loved them, then tell me why they loved you. Tell me about a day in your life you didn't think you'd live through. Tell me what the word 'home' means to you and tell me in a way that I'll know your mother's name just by the way you describe your bedroom when you were 8. See, I want to know the first time you fell the weight of hate and if that day still trembles beneath your bones. Do you prefer to play in puddles of rain or bounce in the bellies of snow? And if you were to build a snowman, would you rip the branches from a tree to build your snowman arms? Or would you leave the snowman armless for the sake of being harmless to the tree? And if you would, would you notice how that tree weeps for you because your snowman has no arms to hug you every time you kiss him on the cheek? Do you kiss your friends on the cheek? Do you sleep beside them when they're sad, even if it makes your lover mad? Do you think that anger is a silence emotion or just the timid of a fragile heart trying to beat away its pain? See, I want to know what you think of your first name. And if you often lie awake at night and imagine your mother's joy when she spoke it for the very first time. I want you to tell me all the ways you've been unkind. Tell me all the ways you're cruel. See, I want to know more than what you do for a living. I want to know how much of your life you spend just giving. And if you love yourself enough to also receive sometimes. I want to know if you bleed sometimes through other people's wounds."

Done.

PIERCE THE VEIL'S COLLIDE WITH THE SKY TOUR IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW AND THE CLOSEST THEY'RE COMING TO US IS IN IOWA AND GUESS WHAT THE TICKETS FOR THAT CONCERT ARE SOLD OUT AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK THEY'RE ALLOWED TO GO MEET/GREET VICTOR WHEN HE'S ALREADY TAKEN BY YOURS TRULY AND IT'S JUST NOT FAIR AND I'M SO TIRED OF LIVING IN A STATE THAT VIC DOESN'T EVEN KNOW EXISTS I BET HE'S NEVER EVEN FLEW THROUGH THIS SHIT HOLE AND OMG I JUST WANT TO SHAKE HIS HAND AND GIVE HIM A HUG AND MAYBE KISS HIM ON THE CHEEK LIKE IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR OMG FUCK EVERYONE WHO'S GOING I HOPE THE CONCERT GETS CANCELED AND YOU ALL HAVE TO GO HOME AND I SWEAR IF I SEE ANOTHER GIF ON TUMBLR OF SOME BITCH FORCING VIC TO KISS HER I'M GOING TO LOSE IT fuck yourself i can't even deal with this right now too many feels

ifsjiskl

Oh my god.

I don't care.

Please, just shut the fuck up
and leave me alone.