All Hail the Heartbreaker.

Continued.

Dear %(%$%^&*,

We tried. We tried to have a relationship and it didn't turn out as I hoped. I kept my fingers crossed that things between us would spark and we'd be forever together. Okay, that's a big lie. I knew from the very beginning that we weren't going anywhere. And I'm sorry that I lead you on -  at least I stopped it before your feelings actually became serious.

There's two reasons how I knew we wouldn't last long.

1. We're different. I don't know why they say 'opposites attract' because they really don't. You like to drink, smoke whatever, party - drama. I don't like to do any of those things. Yes, I'd rather get drunk than get high but that doesn't mean I LIKE drinking. I was just never a party-scene person. I wish I was. I wish I was okay with going to parties and passing a joint with random strangers and just being myself. But if I want to be myself, then being myself means reading a book, obsessing over teenage soaps, finding lyrics that relate to me so much, sit on Tumblr and reblog pictures and quotes that explain my feelings that I can't seem to put into words and sleep. I'm a calm person. And I'm shy. And I truly am quiet. The reason I thought maybe we'd go somewhere in the beginning was because you opened up to me about being in treatment for your eating disorder. I thought, 'Finally, someone who understands.' but that didn't connect us at all. Because you overcame your eating disorder. You still have all the negative thoughts but at least you can fucking eat normally. I'm not at that phase and I probably won't be there for a long, long, long time. I just .. I don't know. We don't have the same sense of humor, I guess we do a little but not enough. I'm sure if we hung out more and alone, I could get to the point of being my complete self around you but I don't have the energy to try. I don't want to be with you. There's one person I want to be with. And she's not here.

2. The second reason we're never going to happen again is because I wasn't ready for a relationship. I broke up with my ex girlfriend two months ago, four days after that, this other guy showed interest in me but then changed his mind and that hurt and then a friend of mine told me she liked me but wasn't looking for a girlfriend and that was only a day before me and you decided to date. I've been toyed with. I've been confused. I've been hurt. And I guess because of all that happening, I turned myself off. While we were together, I didn't carry on a conversation. I didn't really care to. The only thing I wanted to do was sleep or get home as fast as possible to talk or watch a movie or sit in silence with my best friend. She's the only person I can just be around and not have to try or feel out of place or want to be away from - she's just her and I'm just me.

You're a friend. It's probably best you stay that way. Again, I really am sorry.